Chapter 2: Characteristics of women who want to fall in love normally but become obsessed for some reason

Chapter 1 focused on the phenomenon of “attachment.”
Then, in Chapter 2, we’ll delve deeper into the thinking and behavioral patterns of obsessive women.

As you read on, you may find your heart broken.
But that pain is necessary for growth.

Without pain, there is no learning or change.
That’s why, please read on with courage and determination to reexamine the very essence of yourself.

There is nothing else I can be passionate about except love

The biggest characteristic of people who become obsessed with one person is that they have a lot of free time.
Think about it.
Is it possible to become obsessed with one person when you are passionate about what you want to do and what you need to do, and are living a fulfilling life?
Surely there’s no time for that.

PeopleToo much time on your hands can lead to unnecessary worries and negative delusions.is.
That is why,In order not to become obsessed with love, it is important to enrich your time outside of love。

for example,
✔ Go on a trip
✔ Start a lesson
✔ Enjoy cooking
✔ Go shopping
✔ Play games and watch movies
✔ Do sports, strength training, or yoga
✔ Writing and handicrafts
✔ Going to concerts
✔ Listen to music and take photos
✔ Enjoy hot springs, saunas and museums
✔ Send it online

There are endless ways to enjoy this world.
What’s important is,Don’t think about whether it’s fun or not before you try it, but give it a try and then decide.。

Life is a collection of experiences.
By creating a state where you can feel happy even without being in a relationship, you will be able to have a healthy relationship without attachment.

I’m too used to misfortune

Even if you know your partner doesn’t value you,
Why?A sense of security and comfortThere are people who hold on to it and can’t let go.

The underlying psychology behind this is **”identifying with misfortune.”**
In many cases, this is done unconsciously.

✔ Trauma from past hurtful experiences
✔ The influence of education that teaches “patience is a virtue”
✔ Imprinting from the environment in which you grew up (e.g. “You have to be patient because you’re the older sister”)

These factors pile up,
“Enduring becomes the way of life.”

So what should we do?
First, ask yourself, “Am I really satisfied with this?”
Dealing with yourselfis important.

the result,Sometimes I realize, “Maybe I’m unhappy.”Maybe.
That’s fine.

✔ First, you need to recognize and accept that you are “holding back.”
✔ If you cannot do that, you will never be able to let go of your attachment to unhappiness.

If you want change,It can hurtdeath,Sometimes you hit a wallI guess so.
However, even so,
**”I’m unhappy anyway, so I don’t need to be cherished”** Is this the life you want to live, clinging to the status quo?

What’s important is,Choose a lifestyle that truly satisfies you。
Try starting from there.

I end up searching for anxiety

Even if you are free of anxiety and in a calm state,
**Some people go out of their way to look for things to worry about, asking themselves, “Is there anything I should be worried about?”

✔ “Anxiety is normal”
✔ I feel like “not feeling anxious is abnormal”

As a result, you end up feeling anxious about the absence of anxiety itself.

this isThinking Habitsis.
✔ “What if he hates me?”
✔ “The relationship may end”

These ideas areYou are imagining a future that hasn’t happened yet and creating anxiety for yourself.。

What’s important is,Focus on the Nowis.

It is said that animals such as cats and dogs are less likely to become anxious because they have no concept of time.
However, humans have a concept of time,Thinking about the future or the past that hasn’t happened yetThat is it.

✔ Of course, there will be some necessary fears.
✔ But there’s no need to go looking for anxiety.
✔ It’s important to stay calm and take the stance of “I’ll think about it when the time comes.”

Instead of looking for anxiety,
You can lighten your heart by focusing on the joy and abundance you have now.

They believe that romantic feelings are “absolute”

“I know we should break up, but I can’t because I love him.”
This is one of the most common questions we hear over the phone.

this is,A state in which one believes romantic feelings are an “absolute standard of value that must be protected”It can also be said that.
but,There are no feelings worth protecting at the expense of your own mental health.。

This way of thinking is a typical example of how romantic feelings can turn into obsession.
That is why romantic feelingsGetting it rightIt is important to do so.

Romantic feelings are a “device that creates illusions”

I have always believed that romantic feelings are a device for creating illusions.

If there was no love,
People will continue to search endlessly for the “best partner for me”,
The result will be a waste of time and money.

In other words, romantic feelings
✔ An instinct to find a partner efficiently, while reducing time and costs

It is the most reasonable way to think about it.

Also, the more easily people become attached,
✔ “I believe because I love you”
✔ “I forgive you because I love you”
I tend to use words like that frequently.

This too,The idea of ​​treating romantic feelings as “absolute”Nothing but.

So how do you break free from obsession?

The key is to make it a habit to say, “I like you, but…”
For example 👇
💬 “I like you, but I don’t think it’s good to continue dating you like this.”
💬 “I like it, but there are some parts I don’t believe in.”

In this way, by calmly saying “I love you, but…”It helps you avoid being overwhelmed by your emotions。

The more prone you are to attachment, the more you need to change your thinking habits.

Trying to change the other person

Changing other peopleExtremely difficult、
If the other person doesn’t want to change, all your efforts will be meaningless.

Rather, the act of trying to change the other person
✔ A state in which you don’t like the person themselves, but rather like “someone who has changed for your own convenience”
✔ It cannot be said that love is essentially healthy.

This means that.

If you want someone to change, first ask yourself, “Why?”

Is it something that really needs to change?
Or are you simply imposing your own desire for things to be a certain way?

The important thing in life is to know what you can change and what you can’t.
Once you can make this distinction, your attachment will gradually fade away.

Relationships are narrow and fixed

The more easily you become attached to your lover or someone you like,
✔ Few friendships and few opportunities to interact with others
✔ Shallow interactions and too much emphasis on specific people

It’s easy to find yourself in a situation like this.

As a result,
✔ “I absolutely do not want to lose it,” they insist, and their attachment grows stronger.
✔ Love becomes your “everything in life” and you end up being controlled by your partner

If there is such a tendency,It is important to be aware of decentralized communicationis.

✔ Don’t put too much emphasis on one person
✔ Value relationships outside of romance
✔ Respect your partner’s friendships and avoid unnecessary jealousy and anger.

By broadening our interpersonal relationships,You will be able to have healthier relationships without becoming obsessed with love。

I can’t control my anger

People who get irritated easily or take out their anger on others tend to be more likely to become obsessed.
So, first of allWhen do people get angry?

After receiving many consultations, I realized that people who get angrySomething in commonThere is.
That is, **”assuming that what the other person does (or doesn’t do) is a choice made voluntarily by that other person.”**

For example, let’s say someone hasn’t contacted you for a day.
People who get angry say, “The other person chose not to contact them of their own free will.”We tend to think that way.
the result,This leads to anger: “Why didn’t you contact me?”

On the other hand, people who don’t get angry
💡 “It may simply have been impossible to contact.”
I think so.

The difference lies in whether you view it as a matter of will or as a matter of environment or situation.

Furthermore, anger has the intention to change the other person.Contains:
but,If you can think, “The other person is not doing it on purpose,” you can avoid unnecessary anger.**

It is important to think of ways to calm your anger, but the fundamental solution is to first look at where your anger is coming from.

Not being willing to understand others

To understand the other person,
1️⃣ Dialogue and observation
2️⃣ Get information about the other person
3️⃣ Know the Similarities and Differences

By repeating this process, your understanding will gradually deepen.

However, people who are prone to attachment:
✔ “I want you to understand me.” “I want you to accept me.”
✔ “I want my wish to come true”
This leads to a stronger “self-centered perspective,” and you are unable to see the other person properly.

If you want to be understood, it is important to first build a relationship of mutual understanding.
If you try to understand someone but they don’t show an understanding attitude,
That person is for youNot a suitable matchIt’s very likely.

In order not to become attached to the other person, firstMake an effort to “understand” yourselfIt is important to do so.

I can’t accept that the relationship is over

“I want him back to the way he was before.” “I want our relationship to go back to the way it was before.”
I often get this kind of advice,
The bottom line is that it’s basically impossibleis.

At the beginning of The Tale of the Heike, there is a line that reads, “The sound of the bell at Gion-shoja has the echo of the impermanence of all things.”
In this way,Relationships are constantly changing。
No matter how much you wish, you can’t go back to the way things were in the past.

However, it is because things change, and because things end,The present moment has meaningThat is it.
✔ “We can’t go back to the past, but we can create a new future.”

If it is a universal principle of life that things are constantly changing,
The best choice is to embrace the changes and enjoy them.Isn’t that the case?

They underestimate their own worth and feel secure

People who become obsessed with scumbag men (men who are not mentally independent) have something in common.
That means they are seeking temporary relief.

✔ You feel like **he’s a loser, I’m better** and so you continue the relationship
✔ I settle into an environment where I can justify my immaturity

Humans are creatures that tend to avoid change.
That’s why being with a scumbag man makes you think, “It’s fine the way it is,” and you can’t escape your current situation.

but,If this continues, we will lose really valuable time.
✔ A sense of urgency: “I don’t have time for him.”
✔ Looking back on it calmly, she says, “I feel ashamed of myself for being so attached to him.”

By having this feeling,You no longer have to rely on your own value and you can break free from attachmentIt will look like this.

Trying to fill the loneliness with love

Filling loneliness with romance is a temporary, easy wayBut it’s dangerous in the long run.
In particular, there are many men who take advantage of women’s loneliness and try to make them dependent on them.

✔ Before you know it, you’ve come to believe that “loneliness is something that can be filled by men.”
✔ We only think about filling the void of loneliness and forget about our true richness.

However, the feeling of loneliness is not a bad thing in the first place; it is a barometer that indicates your state of mind.
So there’s no need to force yourself to fill it or overcome it.

The important thing is to coexist with loneliness.
✔ Being able to experience loneliness leads to inner fulfillment
✔ A life of giving in to loneliness leads to obsession, a life of enjoying loneliness leads to maturity.

Believing too much information on social media

People have the tendency to **see what they want to see and believe what they want to believe**.
Especially when searching for useful information on social media or online articles,
✔ I only pay attention to information that is convenient for me
✔ We constantly seek information that reinforces our sense of security.

for example,
💬 “Love where a man is madly in love with a woman lasts a long time.”
💬 “It’s better to let the man chase.”

These articles may seem true at first glance, but the problem is that people want to believe them.。
What this information has in common is thatThis is “passive thinking”**.

✔ You can’t change your reality if you remain passive
✔ As long as you blame others or fate for the fact that your reality remains the same, you will not be able to break free from your attachment.

Love and life,It is important to act proactivelyis.
Instead of just accepting information, think about it calmly and ask yourself, “What do I really want?”

They believe being betrayed is bad

The more people feel betrayed,Being able to make others act according to your expectationsWe tend to see it as such.

“Being betrayed” means that one’s expectations were not met, but it was one’s own expectations。
Expectations are not a bad thing,
This also means that you were unable to properly recognize the other person.

In reality, being betrayed may simply mean seeing a new side of the other person.
Having this perspective can help you escape from undue shock and attachment.

What’s important is,Understand that it is up to you to nourish and heal yourself.
Each person lives their own life and has their own complicated circumstances.thing.
When you can enjoy that complexity,
It will lead to a deeper understanding of humanity.

It’s not “I believe” anymore, it’s “I want to believe”

💬 “I believe” = already being convinced
💬 “I want to believe” = A desire that you don’t actually believe in yet

In other words,When you think “I want to believe,” there is a sense of uncertainty somewhere in your heart.That is what it means.
When you truly believe in someone, you don’t think, “I want to believe.”

For example 👇
✔ “It feels strange, but I’m sure he’s sincere.”
✔ “I was dumped, but I’m sure we can get back together”
✔ “We hooked up on date one and I did it because he was serious.”

These thoughts are actuallyReflection of desireand
This is not a dispassionate analysis.

That’s why you first need to distinguish between “Is what I’m thinking a wish or a fact?”

For that reason👇
💡 It’s important to ask yourself, “What is the basis for thinking that?”
💡 If you can answer based on facts, that’s OK, but if it’s just a wish, take a moment to calmly reconsider it.

In this way,If you can organize your thoughts, you will be able to have a healthy relationship without being controlled by unhealthy delusions.

I want to make everything clear

When I was giving love advice,People with strong logical thinking and solution-oriented tend to be more likely to become obsessedI feel like there is.

for example,
✔ “I want to be clear whether I will be contacted or not.”
✔ “I want to know for sure whether there’s a chance or not.”
✔ “I want to define in words what this relationship is.”

If these thoughts become too strong,They cannot tolerate ambiguity in love, which leads to obsession.

But love is like a jobThere are no rules or common goals.。
The other person is of the opposite sex,Sometimes I don’t fully understandIt is something.

That’s why in love 👇
💡 “Understanding what you don’t know”
💡 “Through repeated dialogue, we come to understand each other little by little.”
💡 “Take your time slowly and carefully”

This attitude is required.
Love is about stepping into an ambiguous and uncertain world,
When you can accept that, you will find love more enjoyable than painful.

I believe I can understand the other person’s feelings

The more easily one becomes attached,We tend to assume that we can understand the other person’s feelingsis.
But in reality,It is impossible to fully understand someone else’s feelings。

✔ Ask a Question
✔ Observe
✔ Continued involvement

It is important to gradually deepen your understanding through this steady process.
However, the more easily one becomes attached,I want a clear answer right awayThere is a tendency.

As a result, when the other person does something that is beyond our understanding,
✔ **Confused: “I didn’t know he was like that!”**
✔ The shock of this makes them even more attached.

What’s important in love is“Don’t try to understand right away”。
The other person’s feelings are always changing,Taking time to faceis important.

Aiming too hard for the “right way of life”

“Correctness” is an objective thingand
✔ Laws and rules
✔ Social common sense
It is defined in the following form.

Of course, it is important to protect these
It’s dangerous to make the goal of “living the right way”is.

✔ I’m always worried about what others think
✔ I no longer know “What do I want to do?”

For example, on social mediaPeople who feel anxious every time they see a friend’s wedding announcementteeth,
It is because they believe that marriage is the “true happiness” that they become anxious and think, “I have to get married too.”

but,
💡 “Is your marriage really a happy one?”
💡 “Do I really want to get married?”
💡 “If you do, what is your reason for wanting it?”

By addressing these questions,
You will be able to value your own standards for happiness, rather than the standards of those around you.

People who are prone to obsession tend to make “dating” or “marriage” their goal in and of itself.
However, relationships born out of haste are unlikely to last.

The goal is to date or get married

Dating and marriage are like getting a job.

✔ Having a job does not guarantee stability
✔ Just because you get married doesn’t mean you’ll be happy forever

What’s important is 👇
💡 ** “Where to work” “Why to work there”Think about it.
Love is the same,“Who you date” and “why you date that person” are important.

✔ **As there are cases where people rush into a job and end up at a black company.**
✔ **There are also many cases where you rush into a relationship and find out that the person you’re dating is emotionally abusive.**

Dating and marriage areIt’s just a part of life, a passing phaseis.
✔ You can be happy even if you’re not in love
✔ Whether you have a partner or not, your value doesn’t change.

What’s important is,“Make a choice that truly makes you happy”。
Not an obsession,Building relationships that you can truly trustBe aware of this.

I haven’t had much experience with love

The more you don’t have much experience of falling in love,It’s easy to attach excessive value to the phenomenon of “falling in love”is.

✔ “I rarely fall in love, so I never want to let this feeling go.”
✔ “He’s the only person I can love this much.”

but,If you view what you like as overly special, it can lead to obsession.

In fact, there is a scientific side to the phenomenon of “falling in love” 👇
💡 There is a psychological effect that “repeated contact naturally increases liking for the other person.”

In other words, romantic feelingsSomething that tends to emerge through time and interactionand
The more people thought “this person is the only one,”After a few weeks, you may find yourself with someone new.That is it.

Don’t place excessive value on “likes”Enjoying love with an open mind is the key to avoiding obsessionIt will be.

I don’t know what healthy love is

The difference between “liking” and “attachment”There is a limit to what can be understood through words alone。
That is why,To gain a physical understanding by experiencing various emotionsis important.

✔ People who are easily attached tend to measure love by the intensity of their emotions (excitement or anxiety)
✔ People who experience healthy love value a sense of calm and security.

Love isn’t just about being exciting and thrilling.
A calm and trusting relationshipis also a healthy form of liking.

💡 By interacting with a variety of people and experiencing different relationships, you can rediscover what you really like.

There is no absolute right answer when it comes to love.
That is why,Choose something that you can say to yourself, “This is what I like.”is important.

I only see the opposite sex as a potential romantic partner

The more easily one becomes attached,People tend to judge the opposite sex only based on whether or not they are a potential romantic partneris.

✔ No interaction with members of the opposite sex other than your partner
✔ They only have contact with one particular person of the opposite sex and become obsessed with that person

In this situation, it is easy to think that “losing him means losing all relationships with the opposite sex.”
As a result, it becomes easy to develop attachments.

Also, you only see the opposite sex as a potential romantic partner.
✔ We tend to overlook the inner aspects of others
✔ As a relationship deepens, you start to notice more and more of the things you dislike about your partner, which leads to more dissatisfaction
✔ Unable to express dissatisfaction, they end up enduring it and eventually explode

To avoid this situation,
💡 It is important to not only judge whether someone is a potential romantic partner, but also to have the following perspectives:

✔ “Can I be friends with this person?”
✔ “Is there something about you that you can respect?”
✔ “Would you like to work with me?”

Not just whether they are a love interest,Being aware of personal compatibility can help you build better relationshipsIt will look like this.

The desire to be seen as a woman is too strong

If you cling to the desire to be seen as a woman,This can easily lead to obsession.。

✔ Many men naturally see women as
✔ Trying to have a physical relationship does not necessarily mean you “like” someone

For example, if a man says “You’re cute,”
💡 It’s not because I like it, it’s because I think it’s cute.

In this way, in response to the other person’s actions,Don’t give meaning to it within your own frameworkis important.

✔ If you want to know if you really like someone, don’t make any judgments.
✔ Don’t rely too much on the “signs that someone is interested” information on the internet(Because it varies from person to person)

**An example of something that is hard to do unless you love it**
💡 “Continuously take an interest in others,” “respect them,” and “don’t do things that they dislike.”

These require ongoing dialogue and observation, an attitude of trying to understand values, consideration, and self-control.
Actions that are difficult to carry out without “true affection”is.

The difficulty of love isThe more important the information, the less visible it isThe reason is that.
Don’t judge by superficial words and actions,It is important to carefully observe the other personis.

A strong victim mentality: “I want people to acknowledge that I am putting up with this”

For those with a strong victim mentality
✔ The underlying psychology is “I’m in pain, but I want you to acknowledge that I’m enduring it and comfort me.”
✔ **They use the strategy of “attracting the attention of others in order to realize the reality they desire”**

Certainly, playing the victimThere are people who will be on your sideMaybe.
but,If you continue to complain or dissatisfy, people around you will gradually distance themselves from you and you will become isolated.There are many cases.

In love too👇
✔ A conflict structure of “I’m right and they’re wrong” is created.
✔ You keep looking for sources of anger in the other person’s words and actions, which leads to obsession.

What such a person needs is
💡 Think about what you want to do in the end.

The more a person is caught up in a victim mentality,
✔ “The other person won’t do it for me” “The other person is at fault”
I fell into the mindset ofIt will prevent you from moving forward in a constructive direction.

✔ If you find it difficult to think things through on your own, seeking the help of counseling is also an option.
✔ First, be aware of the victim mentality that exists unconsciously within yourself.

To let go of attachment, firstIt is important to reexamine your thought patterns.is.

Being held captive by unfounded beliefs

IMost of the misfortune and suffering that humans experience isUnfounded assumptions and ingrained valuesI believe it comes from this.

For example 👇
✔ “Life is lonely without a partner”
✔ “If you don’t look good, you won’t be loved”
✔ “If a guy really likes you, he’ll contact you and come to see you.”
✔ “To be loved is happiness”

But with these beliefs,
✔ You worry excessively about things that are not actually a problem, which leads to obsession.

What’s important is 👇
💡 Ask yourself, “Is that true?”
💡 Broaden your perspective by asking yourself, “Is there anything I can use to replace that?”

Continuing this way of thinking,
Let go of unfounded beliefs,You will be able to have a freer and healthier relationship.

I can’t forgive the other person

I think there are two main types of forgiveness:

1️⃣ Forgiveness as Judgment
For example, when your partner cheats,
✔ **”Why did this person cheat?”** Think about the background,
✔ Forgiveness based on reasons and circumstances

However, in this case, if the other person is not truly remorseful, there is no need to forgive.
Instead, it’s important to make the decision to leave for yourself.

2️⃣ Forgiveness as Liberation
By separating from the other person, you will be gradually freed from “suffering” and “hatred.”
It’s natural to feel like you can’t forgive,
💡 If you just can’t forgive, it’s important to first “forgive yourself for not being able to forgive.”

The key to letting go of an attachment is to make a choice that you can be satisfied with, rather than trying to force yourself to forgive.

Looking for happiness from a man

✔ “He’s a cool, smart, and exciting guy, but he cheated on me.”
✔ “It was calm and reassuring, but it wasn’t enough.”

Have you ever had this experience?
In reality, there are very few perfect men who have the right balance of stimulation and security.

✔ Women who are happy in relationships with wonderful men are originally “people who can satisfy themselves”
✔ Love is “happiness”“Additional Element,” Not “The Sole Source of Happiness”

However, believing that you can’t be happy without a man can lead to obsession.
💡 It’s important to recognize that your happiness can be found in places other than love.

✔ **Love is a part of life**
✔ To feel happy, you need fulfillment beyond just love

In order to have a relationship without attachment, you first need to **”have the power to create your own happiness.”**

I can’t say “NO”

For those who can’t say NO or refuse👇
✔ Sensitive to being disliked and has difficulty expressing one’s opinions
✔ You continue to put up with it because you don’t want to be disliked, and you are treated roughly

However, if you express your opinion and are disliked, then that person is “someone who does not respect your opinions.”
In other words, it’s okay if people dislike you.

Especially the scumbag guy 👇
✔ They target women who cannot say no and try to get them to do what they want.
✔ Thinking that “this person will forgive me no matter what I say” robs you of your self-esteem

💡 It’s important to decide, “I will only associate with people who care for me.”

First off 👇
✔ Identify what you dislike
✔ For example👇

• “I don’t like having physical relations before we start dating”
• “I don’t like shallow relationships where we can’t communicate.”
• “I don’t like being tied down”

💡 By practicing saying no, you will gradually gain confidence

For example 👇
✔ Increase your chances of meeting new people through a dating app and gain experience in turning down dates
✔ Prepare your “refusal phrases” in advance

💬 “Thank you for the invitation. But I’d like to remain friends with you, so I’m sorry.”
💬 “I don’t know you that well yet, so I’ll tell you when I’m ready.”

✔ The key is to avoid lying or turning down the offer in a way that gives the other person hope.

💡 By realizing that **”I can value my own will,”** your self-esteem will increase and your attachments will naturally disappear.

Also, the more you can say no appropriately, the more you will be valued.
✔ **”This person cares about me, so I can’t treat him roughly.”**
✔ As a result, you build better relationships

Don’t see the flaws in others, only see their good points

People who only see the good points (beauties) of others may unknowingly turn a blind eye to their bad points (flaws).

✔ You put off the problem by thinking, “He has a nice side, too.”
✔ They know they are being treated badly and are deeply hurt, but they pretend not to notice

It’s natural to be attracted to someone and see their good points.
However, if you only see the good in a relationship, it can easily lead to obsession.

Because 👇
✔ When you later find fault with something, you feel distressed and angry because of the gap between your ideal and reality.
✔ “You end up creating ideals for yourself, getting depressed and angry for your own reasons”

It’s no wonder that people start to distance themselves from you.

Flaws you can and shouldn’t accept

It’s easy to understand whether or not you should accept your flaws by thinking about it like this:

✔ “Is it a personal issue or a relationship issue?”

for example,
✅ “My clothes are ugly,” “I’m forgetful,” “I’m not considerate” → Personal issues
✅ “They deny everything I say,” “They lie,” “They don’t discuss things” → Relationship problems

The latter drawback includes the possibility of one’s dignity being compromised.
On the other hand, the former is a problem that will not affect you if you do not care about it.

✔ Looking at flaws = Not finding flaws, but “getting to know the other person from multiple perspectives”
✔ In the process, it is important to sort out whether or not something is acceptable.

I choose my man based on the criterion of “having fun with him”

When I do phone consultations, the more obsessive a person is,
✔ They often say, “I started dating because it was fun to be with you”

However, “it’s fun to be together” does not necessarily mean “you get along well.”

Because 👇
✔ People with more romantic experience and better communication skills are better at entertaining others.
✔ “Having the ability to provide fun” and “being compatible” are two different issues

Furthermore, the more someone bases their judgment on “being fun to be around,” the more likely they are to rely on “the fun they can give.”

✔ “I like people who make me happy” = Customer consciousness

💡 A criterion more important than “fun” in love👇
✅ “Do you feel safe?”
✅ “Can you respect me?”
Can you accept different values?
✅ “Do your words and actions match?”

Focusing on these factors will help you have a healthy, non-attached relationship.