That love is just an obsession. 

Introduction

For those who want a happy relationship but can’t seem to make it work

“I’m not in a proper relationship with my partner and I always end up doing what he tells me to do.” “I can’t forget my ex.” “I’ve always had uneasy relationships and they never lasted.”

Do you have any of these concerns?

In this book, “attachment” is defined as “a state in which you are unable to let go of feelings that are tormenting you.”

Nice to meet you. My name is “Amy”. Currently, I am mainly active on social media, and I am fortunate to have over 140,000 followers. Also, as a counselor, I have received over 1,400 phone consultations.

From that experience, I realized that many women suffer from “attachment.”

To briefly list the characteristics of this “attachment,” ・You cannot break off the relationship even though you cannot respect or trust the other person. ・After starting a relationship, your mental state somehow worsens. ・More than anything else, you have a strong desire for the other person to “only look at you.”

It can be said that there are such things.

But don’t worry. If you’ve read this far and are thinking, “All of this applies to me, but is this a bad thing?” then I want you to read to the end.

So, what kind of woman do you think is a “good woman”? There are many possible interpretations, but my answer is “a woman of integrity.” In other words, it means “a woman who doesn’t chase after someone who leaves her.” Whether it’s unrequited love, dating, or even after breaking up, it’s very painful to keep chasing a man who isn’t interested in you.

However, if you can make the honest decision to “not chase after those who leave,” you will be able to become a much more wonderful and beautiful “good woman” than you are now.

This book was written for people like you who are suffering in love. Some of the content may seem harsh or cruel to you. However, if you read it with determination and courage, you will surely be transformed into a “good woman” and be able to have an even happier relationship than you have now.

So if you’re ready, please move on to the main text.

table of contents

Introduction

1. For those who want a happy relationship but can’t seem to make it work
2. How to distinguish between “liking” and “attachment” (how to determine the degree of attachment)
3. There is a clear difference between liking something and being obsessed with it.

Chapter 1: Dependence, escapism, victim mentality … You may be suffering from “attachment”

1. Even though I know I should leave, I can’t leave my partner
2. I feel like the time I’ve spent has been a waste
3. I end up doing things that other people dislike
4. I can’t respect others
5. I can’t trust the other person
6. My mental health has worsened since we started dating
7. Assume that “this person is the only one”
8. I can’t show gratitude to others
9. Falling into someone else’s love story
10. I wish that you would only look at me
11. I can only think about my lover
12. Too much pursuit of the truth
13. I feel that my partner has his/her flaws, but also his/her good points.
14. I think I can’t live without him.
15. A stronger victim mentality
16. Believing that “if you work hard, you’ll be rewarded”
17. I feel like I’m being carried away by the other person’s pace
18. Leave the decision to break up to the other person

– So what does it mean to “like” something?

Chapter 2: Characteristics of women who want to fall in love normally but become obsessed for some reason 

1. There is nothing else they can be passionate about other than love
2. They are used to misfortune
3. Always looking for anxiety
4. They believe that romantic feelings are absolute
5. Trying to change the other person
6. Relationships are narrow and fixed
7. Unable to control anger
8. Not being willing to understand others
9. Not accepting the end of a relationship
10. They underestimate their own worth and feel secure
11. Trying to fill loneliness with romance
12. Overconfidence in information on social media
13. They view betrayal as an extreme evil.
14. They don’t “believe” but “want to believe”
15. They want everything to be clear
16. You are overconfident that you can understand the other person’s feelings
17. Pursuing the right way of life
18. Their goal is to date or get married
19. You don’t experience love very often
20. Not knowing what healthy love is
21. They only see the opposite sex as a romantic partner
22. They have a strong desire to be seen as feminine
23. Strong victim mentality
24. Being held hostage to unfounded assumptions
25. Unable to forgive others
26. They seek happiness from men
27. Unable to say “NO”
28. See only the good in others, not their faults
29. They choose men based on the criterion of “having fun with them”

Chapter 3: Characteristics of men that will increase your obsession

1. Trying to get someone to take care of me
2. Low sense of responsibility for promises
3. Speaking only on the basis of feelings
4. Words and actions don’t match
5. Becoming cold or gentle
6. Putting your own faults aside and blaming others
7. Rapidly close the distance
8. They see me as a woman, but not as a person
9. Do not self-disclose
10. Doesn’t listen at all
11. Extreme mood swings (be careful)
12. Showing only replaceable kindness
13. Frequent replies to messages

–Qualities of a woman with good eyes for men (points to consider)

– Examine works that contain a lot of psychological description (point 2 for identifying such works)

– Know why you should not miss out on the sophisticated feel (point 3)

Chapter 4: Women who let go of attachments are better at cultivating relationships with others 

• Recognize and eliminate your fixed ideas Always take proactive actions
• Understand what it means to be a “convenient woman”
• Experience what it feels like to be attractive
• Develop a habit of gratitude
• Most importantly, learn to rely on others
• Use optimistic words as a habit
• Engage in physical exercise
• Think about death and be aware of the finiteness of life
• Develop complex thinking skills
• Make a habit of actively asking questions
• Do not judge things based only on their surface
• Understand that “you and others are different”
• Act spontaneously
• Stop pursuing absolute truth
• Accumulate “genuine experiences”
• Distinguish between memory and reality
• View things objectively
• Fully embrace your emotions
• Avoid excessive dependence on others’ approval
• Have deep conversations with people who understand you
• Free yourself from the constraints of self-confidence
• Rather than forgetting someone, focus on creating something new
• Aim for “acceptance”
• Learning will ultimately save you

Conclusion 

Love yourself and choose a life that you can be happy with.

Distinguishing between “love” and “attachment”

[Assessment of the degree of attachment] Attachment can be strong or weak, and it can be difficult to distinguish clearly. In fact, it is natural to have some degree of attachment to any feeling of love. Also, everyone has some kind of attachment even in situations other than romantic relationships. There is no one who is completely free of attachment. Therefore, please use this assessment only as a guideline.

Think about the guy you’re interested in or currently dating and check how much each of the items below applies to you.

[How to calculate] ・If 0-2 items apply… Not obsessed ・If 3-6 items apply… Slightly obsessed ・If 7 or more items apply… Very obsessed

[Check items]

1. I smile less since I started interacting with my partner
2. I’ve become easily upset over small things
3. I get annoyed by small things that other people say or do
4. I can’t sincerely wish happiness on others
5. Trying to change the other person
6. “I want him to return to being a kind man.”
7. Lack of gratitude towards others
8. I feel anxious when we’re not together
9. Lack of respect and trust in others
10. I want to believe him too much, but I still have doubts
11. Being overly concerned about dating
12. “It’s not like that, but it has its good points too” is what he likes to say.
13. I think, “No one else will love me except him”
14. I strongly desire that people only look at me
15. I firmly believe that he is my soulmate.
16. I’m scared that one day he’ll abandon me
17. I end up doing what he says.
18. The strong desire to be loved
19. I’m in a relationship with someone I don’t like because I’m anxious about getting married.
20. I get depressed when I hear other people’s love stories
21. Trying to confirm affection through obvious indicators such as frequency of contact
22. I feel like I can’t live without him
23. If you don’t hear from them, pursue them yourself
24. Frequently checking the other person’s smartphone or social media
25. Binding the opponent
26. (Except in cases of duplication)
27. I want to get revenge on someone
28. Always bringing up the past, saying “It was like this then”
29. I can’t forget my ex-boyfriend
30. An unusual obsession with correctness
31. Trying to make the other person understand by being in a bad mood
32. Suddenly giving up on a hobby after starting a relationship
33. I know I should leave, but I can’t
34. Pursuing the truth: “What is he really thinking?”
35. I wonder, “Why is it that no one notices me, even though I’m trying so hard?”
36. I feel like the time I’ve spent has been a waste
37. He approached me forcefully, and before I knew it, I had fallen in love with him.

There is a big difference between liking something and being obsessed

“Attachment” has many different meanings, but in this book, we consider attachment to be unhealthy and something that should be let go. “Attachment” here means a state of being strongly attached to and caught up in an object or situation. In other words, it is a state in which you cannot let go of “thoughts that torment you” caused by desire, regret, anger, biased values, etc.

If you find that many of the check items above apply to you, it’s a good opportunity to realize that your current situation is not good. Therefore, there is no need to be depressed or blame yourself for it. Just understand that it is the way it is.

Now, on the next page, I will talk about the tendency towards “obsessive love.”