Chapter 1: Dreams are dreams, they are not something you can achieve

000 Prologue

I will make it clear in advance that I tried not to go into too much detail when I wrote this. I have included only the essential information, and have deliberately omitted supplementary sentences and preambles. As a result, some parts may be difficult to understand at first glance. However, this omission is intentional.

So why didn’t I go into detail? Why did I make such an attempt in a medium like a book, which has no character limit? The answer is quite simple. It’s because I want you to learn about love and be able to put it into practice for yourself. No lover will tell you everything, point by point. We need to take our partner’s words and actions seriously, interpret them as “they must have said them with this intention,” and deepen our own understanding.

There are also people who make others angry by not saying enough, people who say things that are prickly like “yeah, well…”, and even people who become quieter when they get angry. These are people who cause a lot of trouble because they are inadequate in choosing their words, being considerate of others, and being able to imagine their feelings. It is very important to communicate closely and to align each other’s feelings. However, the reality is that in relationships, emotions and situations are rarely explained perfectly.

To a certain extent, you have to be able to use your imagination to complement the other person’s feelings. If you are unsure whether your interpretation is correct, just ask the other person for confirmation as necessary. If I were to write everything down, you might be able to understand everything perfectly just from the contents of this book. But then the original meaning would be lost.

What’s really important in love isn’t just skill or know-how, but acquiring the habit of supplementing the other person’s explanation when you feel it is lacking, and interpreting it in your own way, thinking, “Even if they don’t have enough words, this is probably what they were trying to say.” To do this, you need a place to practice, where you’ll be faced with a situation where “they’re trying to tell you something but don’t have enough words.” Practicing in real situations is one thing, but I thought that doing that would make you feel too resigned, so I’ve prepared a practice sheet for you here.

Even if your own thoughts clash and opposing opinions fly around, never give up on the discussion and never run away — you have more than 200 pages of practice papers like this in front of you now. I believe that by facing all of these, you will naturally acquire the habit of complementing and interpreting them in your own way.

“When you face a problem in love, you need to develop a way of thinking that allows you to solve it yourself, without relying on those around you.” This is the main aim of this book. Because I am not the one who will decide the outcome of your love life.

001 My lover has stopped showing me affection

Are there any things that you used to be crazy about but that you no longer have any contact with these days? For example, it could be idols, sports, games, musical instruments, lessons, anything is fine. Even if you wanted to learn the piano when you were young, if you become absorbed in club activities in junior high school, naturally the time you spend on the piano will decrease. After devoting yourself to club activities, you will likely start studying hard for entrance exams (whether you want to do it or not). After that, time-consuming events such as job hunting and university seminars await you. And in your daily life, you will find yourself talking to your parents less frequently and going out with friends more on weekends, and the way you spend your time will naturally change.

Now, here we get to the main topic.

Have you ever felt like your partner no longer says “I love you” like they did at the beginning of your relationship? You may be worried that they have grown tired of you. It’s a story you hear often. Why do people make excessive demands of their partners in relationships, such as “I want you to put me first” or “I want you to love me forever”?

For example, let’s say you have a plant that you used to water every day. Even if you get busy and water it once a week, if you see the plant growing without dying, many people will think that “watering it once a week is enough.” Everyone, including me, naturally changes their priorities as they go through life. And before you know it, the things you once loved are forgotten, become distant memories, and are replaced by other things that you now feel are important.

Even if you are in a relationship, you cannot always be the ace. That is reality. That is why it is important to have the ability to accept the facts as they are. Before getting angry and wondering why they don’t value you, try to remember that you too have lived your life prioritizing. Have you ever had the experience of losing contact with a close friend from elementary school? Or is there someone you care about very much, even if you don’t contact them often? Ask yourself again.

002 Memories mass production period

The first time you date someone, the second time you date someone, the time you get approached by someone else after being cheated on or dumped, and the time you start dating someone who was originally just a friend… You’ve probably had a variety of romantic experiences, but haven’t they all ended up in the same way? Sometimes you get dumped by a typical trash person, and sometimes you fall for their sweet charm. After being hurt, you get over the trash person and settle into a relationship with a kind and gentle person with fewer conflicts, but in the end it doesn’t work out and you break up.

So what exactly is love? I think many people have worries and questions about it, but the answer is actually quite simple. “It changes to suit your needs at the time” — that’s all there is to it.

Relationships can be broadly divided into two parts: the “fun period” that lasts from before you start dating until you start dating for a few months, and the “memory-producing period” that is tough for better or worse, until you break up. And who you spend your “fun period” with in your next relationship and what kind of “memory-producing period” you spend with them is determined by the way your previous “memory-producing period” was.

For example, if your previous partner was a scumbag, after the breakup you may resolve to never be fooled again or never date a scumbag again. However, when you actually start dating a nice person, you may feel something is missing. As a result, you will be attracted to someone who has some bad qualities and repeat the same mistakes. This time, you will start dating someone whose personality is somewhere between a scumbag and a nice person.

In this way, the needs of the next relationship are determined by the “memory production period” of the previous relationship. Many people find new partners based on their experiences, and in some cases adjust their relationships to meet their needs. For example, a good example is a mentally unstable woman who becomes overly controlling of her next partner out of fear that her ex-partner cheated on her.

However, whether your needs at the time match the characteristics of the person you are actually dating is another matter entirely. Relationships that end in an instant, like a one-off drama, where you break up quickly because the other person wasn’t what you expected, are simply the result of not choosing the right partner for yourself.

However, if you can think, “Next time, I’ll date someone who I think will definitely meet my needs,” you should be able to choose a partner with greater precision. It may be important to gain experience in everything you do.

003 Someone who will take responsibility for your life

If you have to choose one person, it is better to choose someone who will take responsibility for your life. “Responsibility” here means not running away from all things related to the other person, but facing them honestly. For example, not running away from arguments or discussions, and deciding to stay with them in any difficult situation as long as they are sincere with you.

If something difficult happens and someone says something like, “I can’t be with you because I can’t take responsibility,” that’s not their true feelings, but a sweet way of saying, “I never even thought for a second that I wanted to be with you in the first place.” In that case, you should try to understand their intentions and assess the relationship appropriately.

004 There is no such thing as an “ideal person” or “soulmate”

The “ideal person” or “soulmate” that we dream of appearing before us is nothing more than an illusion. No such being will ever appear from the other side of the screen in our lifetime. Even if someone tells us such a story, there is no need to believe it. I hope that we will stop dreaming of stories that only exist in Maihama or some other part of the world, in some impossible fairy tale world, and face reality first.

[Side note] If you go to Maihama in a group, it’s a good idea to cooperate when choosing ears, let others choose first, and choose your own later. I don’t recommend trying to get the pink fox ears before anyone else. A safe choice would be to choose the heroine’s mouse or yellow dog ears.

I apologize for digressing at the beginning. I didn’t have the courage to put this in writing as a book, so I deleted it during the meeting, but I just couldn’t help wanting to share it. Please forgive me for digressing.

There’s no such thing as a storybook love in life

That’s right, there is no such thing as an “ideal person” or “soulmate.” Of course, there is no way such a person exists. If you were asked about your “ideal person,” how would you answer? For example, isn’t your soulmate a person like this?

– Kind and always loving

– Good at studying and has a regular driver’s license

– Passionate about work and cherish your lover

・As she is my ideal partner, her face is exactly my type, and her hairstyle and clothes are clean.

・Able to do housework and not sacrifice her partner more than necessary

・Be aware of the time, place, and occasion and be polite when speaking to store staff

・They are there for me when I’m having a hard time and are understanding of my work and personal life.

・Understand the other person as if reading an instruction manual, and have a solid knowledge of menstruation

・They will come to pick you up with an umbrella on rainy days.

・He always respects opinions and wishes, doesn’t reject my favorite character, and makes my heart flutter

– You don’t have an ex-boyfriend, or you’ve deleted their contact information and blocked them from all social media

– They get along well enough to not even get into a fight in the first place, and if they do get into a fight, they don’t go quiet or leave the house, but are able to have a constructive discussion.

・He doesn’t get distracted by other girls and of course doesn’t cheat.

And always make me happy

–There is no way that there is anyone who meets all of these conditions. The last three conditions are particularly difficult to find. If you look hard enough, you may be able to realize the last four conditions to a certain extent as potential abilities. However, this is merely an act that suits you well, and there is no guarantee that they are acting naturally from the bottom of their heart. Even if they were a temporary “ideal person,” if you end up realizing that they are fake, then they cannot truly be called the “soulmate” who will make you happy.

In the end, an “ideal person” or “soulmate” is merely a convenient presence for you. Unfortunately, there is no such thing as a saint who will live 100% for you. This is because such a person will be able to fully demonstrate the same abilities in other people as well. In the first place, you cannot say that you are great enough to have a saint who thinks only of you by your side. Therefore, it is better not to have excessive expectations of others.

If you think about it carefully, you will understand

When asked who their ideal partner is, very few people would humbly respond with something like, “I’d sacrifice this, so I’d like someone who would do this for me.” In most cases, people only talk about their own desires, and don’t seem to want to do anything for the other person. Even if the world they long for is only on a screen, people who are trapped in self-centered thinking end up suffering miserably in the real world. Only those who are humble, full of compassion, and have conviction can be happy with their ideal partner in real life. So why can’t people notice this contradiction?

If there is no soulmate

It is not impossible to create a new “ideal person” or “soulmate”. The method is very simple, just change your partner to match your ideal. In a sense, you may already have an “ideal person” or “soulmate” in front of you. If you pay attention to what you want your partner to improve and at the same time look at yourself, your true “soulmate” may still be by your side. Of course, if the other person doesn’t change at all, there is nothing you can do, but if you make an effort to change even a little, it is up to you to make that person your “soulmate”. Instead of lamenting “no good person has appeared…” or “where on earth is my soulmate?” forever, it would be better to seriously face the person you feel has potential.

005 A love that doesn’t hurt is just a love game

I declare that a relationship without hurt is nothing more than a familiar relationship after all. A relationship in which there is “no fight” or “no betrayal” is considered ideal, but that is simply an incomplete relationship.

It’s not just about cheating. There are many people who are hiding something. In fact, there are stories like this everywhere, such as having a relationship with someone else just before you start dating, or actually dating for the same period of time, or already liking someone else when you say yes after someone confesses their feelings. If your current partner finds out about these things, it will definitely hurt them a little. And these kinds of revelations will continue to increase in the future.

Some of you may be reassured by reading this far, thinking, “I’ve never been betrayed before, so I’m fine.” However, it’s possible that the other person is hiding it well, or that they simply haven’t experienced betrayal yet. The ideal relationship you’re holding up doesn’t actually exist. For example, if you’re asked if you can live on a 5-centimeter-wide steel frame, and you don’t fall for the first 3 minutes, and they insist, “See, you can do it, right?”, that’s not convincing at all.

People who value these ideal relationships that are like ticking time bombs will say things like, “We’ve had lots of fights and been betrayed a few times, but we’ve somehow managed to get through them,” or, “Through our conflicts we’ve learned each other’s characteristics, a sort of instruction manual, and we’re constantly updating it,” or, “As the number of fights has increased, we’ve been able to find the best compromise,” but that doesn’t mean we can arrive at the most durable relationship in the world.

First of all, don’t be afraid of being hurt by the other person. Similarly, don’t be afraid of hurting the other person. If you have something to say, say it clearly, and if you are moved by another person, be honest about your feelings. Don’t keep holding back because you feel bad for the other person, but try to act on the edge. For example, if another man invites you out, go ahead and meet him, and if you feel excited and your relationship wavers, that means that your relationship was only that good after all. If that happens, it’s okay to break up with your partner. Even if you are the one who was betrayed, you can change partners without hesitation. That’s all love is really about.

If you truly want to be together, you have to be prepared to face each other head on and fight. I think that only when you can do that can your relationship move from familiarity to true love.

006 I can love it because it doesn’t belong to me

If we delve deeper into the feeling of “liking” someone, we ultimately come to the conclusion that we are attracted to the image of the other person that we have created based on our own self-interpretation. Even if you have only met a few months ago, you are not yet close enough to know each other well enough to understand each other’s true nature, and everyone relies on this self-interpretation.

Even if you’ve been best friends for six years, you only see one side of them as best friends, so you rarely see a new side of them the next day, and unless you spend a long time together, you never get to know their true selves. It’s the same as when you first start dating someone, you’re concerned about their makeup, clothes, and how they style their bangs, so it’s hard to see their true personality or no makeup.

In the end, what people initially feel “like” is not the other person themselves, but merely the illusion they have created themselves, that is, the “illusion they want to believe in.” Incidentally, as an aside, it could be said that it is possible to win over the person you like by skillfully constructing an illusion that the other person wants to believe in.

The three stages of love

I like the fact that the other person is ___ (this is an emotion based on the facts in front of me)

Therefore, the other person is a XXX person (This is where the selfish self-interpretation begins).

Therefore, the other person would not do such a thing (this is an exaggerated self-interpretation, the imposition of an ideal image on others).

In the early stages of a relationship, we tend to unconsciously expand our self-interpretation from ① to ② to ③ based on the facts we currently know. For example, the moment you say, “I never thought he’d do something like that,” or “I never expected things to turn out like this,” your self-interpretations ② and ③ are at work, and you may already feel betrayed.

Unless the other person is extremely arrogant, you will continue to see yourself as your ideal self, and your self-interpretation will eventually develop into ② and ③. Then, when you actually start dating, in many cases, the interpretations of ② and ③ collapse, and even the simple feeling of “love” that you felt at the beginning turns into doubt. Even before you start dating, the moment you confirm each other’s affection and feel confident that you can continue dating, you may experience a self-contradiction that says, “There’s no way such a wonderful person could love someone like me…”, and ② and ③ may collapse at the same time. This is a phenomenon that is likely to occur when the “love” part of ① is mixed with a twisted feeling such as “There’s something about him that I don’t think he’ll like.” To be honest, such a state does not constitute love, and is not suitable for building deep interpersonal relationships.

[Imaginary Love]

At the beginning of a relationship, very few people are willing to reveal their flaws to you, and even if they are, you probably won’t choose them. As a result, your relationship is based on a false image you’ve created from the start.

A relationship in which you can still love someone because they are not yours can actually be considered quite normal. After all, the feeling of love you feel in the early stages of a relationship is nothing more than an illusion. No matter how well you get to know the other person, there are very few people (say, around 1%) who can continue to love the false image they had at the beginning, if they even exist at all. That 1% is trapped in a false image, and you could even say it is a disappointing relationship with very little room for growth or development. For the vast majority of people (99%), the more they get to know the other person, the more difficult it becomes to maintain the pure feeling of love they had at the beginning.

007 It’s better not to let people know you like me

Love is about exploring each other’s feelings. If your true feelings are obvious to the other person, they will have the upper hand. For example, if someone likes you, they will definitely find some excuse to ask you out on a date. They will pretend to be natural and contact you secretly. However, if you directly ask the other person, “Do you want to go out with me on Sunday?”, they will be excited, and the subtle presence or absence of affection may shake their heart.

The so-called “letting your feelings be known” refers to a state in which you are about to fight by revealing all of your cards, that is, your true feelings. If you lose your cool and go into love while giving in to your desires, it is not likely to go well. As a result, the other person will play with you and there is a very high possibility that you will end up with an undesirable outcome. In love, it is actually better to suppress your desires (excessive appeal). In fact, it is no exaggeration to say that if you show your desires, you will definitely lose.

Do you know a girl around you who is not very proactive in approaching men, but can handle her advances with ease? For example, a girl who will go on a date if asked, but will never cross the line until it develops into a romantic relationship. The more reserved a girl is, the more likely you are to want to win her over. Even if she is not the type to approach men, you can talk to her calmly than with other girls of the same age or younger, so you will naturally want to listen to her troubles, and before you know it, you will be captivated by her.

In conclusion, the strongest person is a passive girl who can take care of herself. Everyone can find such a role model close to them, so how long will they continue to worry about it? I know the reason. That is, when you are in love with love, it is impossible to control your desires and interact with the other person.

008 There will always come a time when a sincere love becomes difficult

First of all, it is unlikely that two people will remain faithful to each other throughout their relationship. Even if you have been together for 1-3 years, one of you will inevitably be attracted to someone else at some point. Even if there is no physical relationship, there is no doubt that you are cheating on your partner, and it is possible that you are actually having a relationship with another girl but have not been exposed.

Even if you have done absolutely nothing shady, your priorities with your partner will naturally change if you are a student taking exams or starting a job, or if you are a working adult, depending on how busy you are at work and changes in the nature of your job. It is impossible for each person to always put the other person first. It would be great if the timing for your partner’s priorities to change was when you felt like you wanted to rely on them, be spoiled, or never be pushed away, but in reality, the timing is bad, and far from things going smoothly in life, these desires often do not match reality.

If it’s hard, don’t be single-minded either

Even if you are the only one who is devoted, one day your partner will begin to prioritize you less. At that time, you will face worries such as “I care for him, but he doesn’t give me anything in return” or “I’m the only one who is devoted to him.” That’s why I can say with confidence that devoted relationships will always have difficult times. I don’t know anyone who has experienced such a smooth relationship.

Some people may suppress their feelings and endure because they “love each other,” but that is a sign of self-sacrifice. That patience will reach its limit after a year at most, and there will come a time when you want to blame the other person, saying, “I’m doing so much for you.” The other person is just spending their precious, irreplaceable time in their life doing things like club activities or work. It is hard to accept that they are being blamed for that.

This problem will not be solved unless you step out of the romantic framework where you always put the other person first. If you don’t, your perspective will narrow and you will miss the opportunity to reexamine your own life. Please understand that putting someone first is not necessarily synonymous with truly cherishing them.

In a real story, new characters appear and problems arise. I don’t know of any story that doesn’t have ups and downs.

009 The word “special” has an expiration date

Many people wish to be “special” to someone, but is there really any value in being “special”? Look back at your own past. For example, a stuffed toy of a character you once treasured, a ring that cost less than 300 yen, or an arcade game card that you were crazy about. Even if you once treasured something with great passion, over the years you may have forgotten where you put it, and even if you happen to find it during a major cleaning, it has become something so “special” that you would hesitate to throw it away. However, no matter how much you try to treasure it again, it is unlikely that you will be able to treat it with the same passion as you did back then. Everyone, like you and I, has had the experience of something that was once “special” becoming a thing of the past.

This phenomenon also occurs in the world of romance in a very short period of time. For about 3 to 5 months after the start of a relationship, your partner feels like a “special” person who is yours only. However, after about six months, this feeling gradually fades, and the other person falls into the category of someone you “can’t throw away unless you throw them away,” which is the pattern in most relationships. For example, a once-cherished stuffed toy becomes tattered with age, a cheap ring can’t withstand the pressure and the parts fall apart and become a simple plastic ring. Or an arcade game card that was stored in a drawer gets mixed up carelessly and loses its original shine at some point. If you are not a very picky person, you will throw it away immediately when it gets to this state. Unfortunately, people are creatures who will dispose of things that were once “special” without a second thought if it becomes inconvenient. Romance is like entertainment, where if you don’t let go of it yourself, in most cases it will end up being thrown away by the other person. It may be an extreme expression, but “specialness” is destined to go up and down repeatedly, waiting to be finally thrown away. When you think about it that way, perhaps the “special” things that everyone desires aren’t actually that valuable.

In other words, the word “special” has an expiration date. To be precise, there is a period during which it can remain “special enough not to throw it away,” and once that expiration date has passed, the reason to throw it away becomes clear and it has completely expired. However, unlike food, the “special” quality can temporarily return after making up after a fight, or on an anniversary when you feel a renewed desire to cherish your partner. Perhaps the person you’re dating now is someone who can easily fit into someone else’s “special” category.

010 Don’t be obsessed with the third date

For those who are trying to find the right timing to confess, the right timing rarely comes naturally. The best time to confess is when you feel that “now is the time!” I don’t know when it started, but the theory that the third date is the best time to confess became widespread. However, there is no limit to the number of dates before dating, and whether you go on 20 dates or 40 dates, you can eventually become a couple.

However, if you go on too many dates before you start dating, you may start to worry, “He hasn’t confessed to me yet, so maybe he doesn’t want to date me,” or “Maybe he’s just playing with me.” If you focus on “what will happen on the third date” rather than the content of the date, the actual value of the date will be diminished.

There are many successful people who choose a different path than those around them. It is too early to decide that you are being “played” by sticking to the third date. You don’t necessarily have to confess on the third date to become a couple. For example, you can confess on the fifth date. After going on multiple dates, you can confess when you feel that you are most comfortable. Alternatively, if you have built a relationship where you can say, “What is the difference between us being lovers now?”, there is also the idea that there is no need to force yourself to confess.

The reason why your relationship isn’t progressing is either because you’re not presenting yourself properly or because you’re not attractive enough to begin with. We’ll leave the latter aside for now, but if it’s the former, it’s likely that the other person is keeping you on the back burner. For example, if you have the nerve to make a casual statement like, “I’m okay with going out with you anytime, but if someone else confesses to me, I might go out with them,” your partner will start to get impatient. If you just wait passively for him to confess, the situation won’t change easily.

011 My partner’s weaknesses have been fixed

Have you ever felt that your impression of your family has changed? Many people would answer, “It hasn’t changed much.” By the way, if you tell your partner, “I don’t like this about you, so stop,” and they make the same mistake again, you will feel that “they haven’t changed after all.” Some people may feel betrayed, but in most cases, they tried to be careful because they were warned, but they ended up making a mistake. In many cases, the change will not be enough to make people who meet for the first time in a while say, “You’ve changed.” It is difficult to notice the change when you are close by, and even the person who was warned will often reflect on their behavior and say, “I couldn’t do it again,” and correct it. A habit that you once did almost every day may now be reduced to about once every five days.

If they have been living the same way up until now, even if you become a lover, pointing out their flaws is not going to make them fix it right away. That is a common thing for all human beings. Even if you warn them once and they fail again, it is important to be patient and watch over them.

The trouble of not getting your partner to show you affection

If you have a partner who has not been good at expressing their affection up until now, you may not know what to do or how to be careful. For such a partner, it is a good idea to start by practicing by saying, “Tell me now that you love me.” Once your partner takes the first step, you should also actively convey your gratitude and your feelings.

“I feel like I made you say that now, but I was happy.” “Let’s practice again the next time we meet.”

You need to have an open mind and strong will. Hard work is appreciated, and seeing the other person happy will make you want to try even harder. If someone who was never able to say the words “I love you” directly is able to say it even once, it is proof of growth.

012 Unrequited love usually doesn’t come to fruition

People grow through love, but it’s hard to grow through unrequited love. This is because unrequited love basically means there is no emotional conflict with the other person, and you just think one-sidedly that you like the other person. Therefore, the other person never tells you, “I don’t like this about you.”

It’s true that when you have a crush on someone, you can have fun and feel your heart pounding when you’re alone. However, it’s precisely because you’re “alone” that you don’t get hurt, and as a result, unrequited love means that you miss out on a chance to truly grow.

I think it’s enough if you can figure out the reason why unrequited love is unrequited. I think that experiencing unrequited love once or twice in a life is enough.

013 What is important in a relationship

What’s really important in a relationship is to always be on the other person’s side until the very end. However, being on the other person’s side does not mean forgiving everything unconditionally. Accepting everything the other person does just because you love them is just being lazy. If you care about that person and want to be happy together, it’s important to point out firmly that “that’s not good” when something bad happens. People who have never been scolded by those around them tend to become more and more conceited, and as a result, end up feeling very embarrassed.

Furthermore, if you want to build a good relationship with your partner, you need to judge right from wrong with the same eyes as your parents and express your opinion frankly when necessary. Parents may worry that their children might dislike them if they say something, but they will make sure to tell their children what is necessary. Even if they are disliked at first, in an important relationship like family, you have no choice but to talk. Similarly, in romantic relationships, in order to gain the trust of your partner, you need to be willing to clearly communicate what you feel is right.

Furthermore, no one wants someone who will do whatever they’re told. A relationship in which you can scold and praise each other is an ideal partnership where you can grow together.

014 People who want to be number one can never be number one

People who want to be “number one” for someone, not just lovers, but friends, etc., are generally not rewarded. I think humans have a nature that makes people who try to make others number one not want to let others be number one.

If you happen to be watching an awards race or a soccer match on TV, you will probably find yourself rooting for the losing team. This is probably because we are drawn to the dramatic production and structure, and unconsciously hope for a comeback.

Also, even if someone who “want to be number one” approaches you, it might be more interesting if you don’t make them number one. It’s hard to find appealing in movies and dramas where things progress smoothly into a relationship. Rather, I think it’s the suspense of the characters overcoming various difficulties and the anticipation of exciting developments that makes it entertaining.

This is true not only in the entertainment world, but in real life too. Even without saying it, people have an intuition that if they continue to date someone who wants to be “number one,” it will be boring. Because they don’t want to create an uninteresting situation, they deliberately stir up trouble and have fun. Love can be said to be a kind of entertainment.

Some people criticize them for having bad personalities or being trash, but in my opinion, those who don’t try to understand the essence of it are the ones who end up losing out. People who enjoy love as entertainment are more likely to become someone’s “number one” — isn’t that the truth of the world?

015. A convenient child doesn’t know how to be anything else.

When a relationship isn’t going well, people around you will always say things like, “You should stop doing that,” or “Take better care of yourself.” “He’s a good person, even though people around him tend to misunderstand him,” or “I really want to be with him.”

However, even if someone reaches out to you, the moment you start looking for a reason to accept the invitation, you are doomed to remain a “convenient child” forever.

It takes a lot of courage to change your way of life. It’s natural that it feels easier to keep your way of life. Because it’s a terrible request to give up someone who can fulfill you, make you love them, and bring you pleasure, even if only for a moment. Once you know joy, you can’t go back. Even if other children seem to be cherished, your dreams are dreams, and they are not easily obtained.

By the way, there are actually a lot of people who make their dreams come true. Every year, new soccer players turn professional, and new faces are constantly being added to the Japanese national team. In a few years, an artist will be born to perform at the Dome for the first time. A child who has not yet been born will one day become a superstar. Every day, someone shifts roles from being someone to look up to to be looked up to.

People tend to think that love is much easier than standing on the dome, but in reality, you can’t change unless those around you show you how to get out of where you are and you take a step yourself. If you decide that you “can’t do it,” it will stay that way forever. A girl who is cherished will always be cherished, and a girl who is convenient will always be a girl who is convenient.

016 Ideal number of people to date

When asked “How many people have you dated?”, I will tell you the best answer from Asuka Yamada’s perspective. The safest answer is 2 or 3 (0 to 1 if under 16). It’s okay to have more, and it’s okay to lie. The reason I answer 2 to 3 is because there is not much benefit to answering “0” or “1”. For example, if you answer 0, the other person may look down on you, and if you answer 1, you may be seen as “clingy” or “being dragged along by an ex-lover”. In particular, if you are asked this question by someone you are interested in, everything will be compared to your ex-lover, and there is a risk that an unnatural strain will occur between you and the other person.

If you explain that you’ve dated two people, and neither of them lasted long, you’ll give the other person the impression that you’re approachable. On the other hand, if you’ve dated four to six people, the numbers will be scattered and the listener won’t take you as seriously (not in a bad way), so it won’t leave a very good impression. In the end, two to three people is a safe bet.

Not only this question, but any questions about your character settings, whether they are asked by someone you don’t care about or someone you care about, it’s a good idea to have a consistent response. Please be very careful with how you handle your information.

017 Wanting something you don’t have

When I see tweets on social media saying things like “Going to work on Mondays is tough” or “I don’t want to go to the office,” I sometimes feel like company employees are supported by something other than their work. Work can become a pain over time, but freelancers are supported by the work itself and live with anxiety. To be honest, there are days when I envy company employees who are guaranteed a job tomorrow, even if it’s a path they chose themselves.

Even in love, the so-called “wanting what you don’t have” is at work. “My ex-boyfriend was so wonderful…” “Why is it that things aren’t going well for me?” “Why do I always end up with trashy guys…”

However, your love life will definitely have a certain charm that others around you don’t have. There will also be many experiences that only you can have. If you learn from your mistakes and grow, a wonderful future is surely waiting for you. Lamenting the current situation while excluding everything else is, in a sense, wishful thinking.