Chapter 2: Rules for getting closer to “the position he wants you to be”
Rules to bring you closer to “the position he wants you to be”
The main premise is that “the position he wants you to be in” will only shrink little by little. It rarely happens that one day, someone who was not romantically interested in you suddenly wants to marry you. However, sadly, it often happens that “the position he wants you to be” suddenly moves away from you. Even if the two of you were in love until yesterday, the moment you do something that he considers “absolutely unforgivable,” he will start thinking, “I don’t want to see you again,” and you’ll end up in a position where he doesn’t want you to like him.
“The position he wants you to be in” changes daily. Imagine that a month ago you were thinking, “I don’t want to go out with you,” but lately you’re thinking, “Maybe it’s okay to go out with you.” It’s always a wavering situation. So, what can you do to get him closer to the position he wants you to be?
There are three important rules.
- Become a woman who is a little further away than “the position he wants you to be”
- adjust to his sense of time
- align with his values
I will tell you about each in detail.
Rule 1: Become a woman who is a little further away than “the position he wants you to be”
What’s important to understand about love profiling is the idea of his “desired position.” He has his own “desired position” for you, from where he wants to get married to where he doesn’t want you to like him. If you are a little further away than his “desired position”, he will become more interested in you and want to get closer to you. If you are closer than his “desired” position, he will become uncomfortable and lose interest. Also, the difficult thing is that even if you are exactly where he wants him to be, he will feel at ease and lose interest.
For example, imagine a situation where a close colleague confesses to you that you have no romantic feelings for. Don’t you feel awkward because you feel guilty about not reciprocating his feelings, and don’t you feel reluctant to stay on good terms with him and want to leave him? In this way, when someone approaches you closer than you would like, you feel the urge to run away from them.
On the other hand, if you are a little far away, he will become more interested in you and want you to come closer, which is the nature of the position he wants you to be in. It often takes a while for him to want to move closer to you, but it’s important to keep contact with him consistently without changing your stance.
If you are a little further away than he wants you to be, he won’t feel any pressure to get married or start dating. By spending time pretending to be a woman who is a little more distant than he would like, his impression of you will change, and his words and actions will slowly begin to change. A sign of change is that his attitude gradually becomes more friendly or that he approaches you.
So, how should you behave in a way that will make him feel like you’re a bit far away and want him to get closer to you? I will explain the specific method in detail in Chapter 4 and in the column.
Note
There are cases where a woman confesses her love to him and it works out, but these are rare cases. This is a case where he originally wanted to date the woman or thought it might be okay to date her, or when he started dating she was so comfortable that his feelings for her suddenly increased.
Cases where no change occurs even though you are a little further away than you want
Even if you are further away than he wants you to be, there may be no change in the following cases:
- If there are circumstances such as he has children or debts, and he cannot get you closer to where you want him to be. If his circumstances change, his position may change. Provide comfort and wait for the situation to change.
- If you are currently in a “position where you don’t want to be liked” or “a position where you are not particularly conscious of it.” No matter how far you go, “the position he wants you to be” may not change. In that case, first try to improve your appearance or take other steps to make yourself a little closer to his love interest.
- If you cannot be a lover due to physical relationship, or if you are a lover but do not proceed to marriage. Sometimes it’s best for you to suddenly move far away from him.
Rule 2: Adjust to his sense of time.
The sense of time that I’m talking about here is that each person has a different way of feeling time, and the length of time it takes for him and you to want to meet up is different. If you keep meeting at a pace faster than his sense of time, he will want to push you away.
To help you understand how he feels, let’s use a food analogy. Imagine that you think “three meals a day” is enough, but you keep being forced to eat once every three hours. No matter how much your favorite dish is on the menu, if the rice is brought to you before you’re hungry, you’ll want to give your stomach a break.
Similarly, if you continue to meet him at a pace faster than his sense of time, the date will arrive before he even thinks he wants to meet you. If this situation continues, he may start to feel like, “I’ve been wanting to be alone a lot lately,” or “I don’t enjoy spending time with you as much as I used to.” What’s more, you’re more likely to start thinking, “Maybe I’ve lost interest in her already.”
Easy way to know how much time he has for you
So how can we find out about his sense of time? Actually, the method is very simple. It’s as simple as being passive and responding only after he asks. Don’t ask him, “When can we meet next time?” or actively contact him. Instead, just meet him when he says he wants to meet, and respond when he contacts you.
Only by being passive,
- How often does he want to see you now?
- How often does he want to contact you?
You can understand his sense of time. If you do contact him, try to do it at a slower pace than his sense of time.
The sense of time is short during the lovey-dovey period, but becomes longer as the relationship settles down.
The first three months of dating are the lovey-dovey phase. During this period, he has an extremely short sense of time, saying things like “I want to see him even if I have to force myself” and “I’m always worried about him.” At that time, he must have really wanted to meet constantly. During the lovey-dovey stage, I honestly expressed my feelings without thinking, “Will my desire to see each other still be the same in six months or a year?” However, once the lovey-dovey period passes, the sense of time becomes longer. If you thought of your boyfriend during the lovey-dovey period as “this is who he really is” and “this pace is bound to continue,” you may start to worry as his sense of time changes after 3 months and wonder, “Has he lost interest in me?” “Does he want to break up?” However, this is usually because the lovey-dovey period has passed and the relationship has calmed down. If you think “he seems cold to me lately” or “maybe he’s changed from before,” check how long it’s been since you started dating. If it’s been 3 to 6 months, it’s likely that the relationship between the two has calmed down, so there’s no need to worry. After six months of dating or having a physical relationship, his sense of time becomes normal. His sense of time changes depending on the circumstances surrounding him. The pace at which he wants to see you is not constant. For example, this may change when you are involved in interpersonal troubles, make a big mistake at work, or are studying for a qualification exam. Continue to observe the situation surrounding him so that you can interact with him according to his base.
Example 1: Change in his circumstances.
He usually invites me to meet him about once a week. However, we haven’t seen each other for two weeks now, and we don’t even have plans for our next date. He loves snowboarding, but we rarely see each other in the winter. Once the snowboarding period is over, I will return to my usual base.
Example 2: He used to contact me every day.
For the past few days, the pace of responses has slowed down considerably. When you enter a busy period at work, it may take longer for someone to want to contact you. If his desire to meet you suddenly slows down, you may start to worry, wondering if he’s found someone else he likes or if he’s already cold to me. Of course, we cannot deny that possibility, but as in the previous example, it is also very possible that his own circumstances may change. In the next Chapter 3, I will explain in detail about “Rule 3: Be close to his values.”
What is the behavior of a woman who is a little further than “the position he wants you to be”?
I’ve learned that if I’m a little further away than he wants me to be, he’ll become more interested in me and want me to come closer, but how exactly should I behave?
If you don’t know the image, it’s difficult to “act as you want”. I’ll give you some examples to help you imagine the behavior of a woman who is a little far away.
the position he wants you to be in
5th: I want to date, but I don’t want to get married.
If he wants to date me, I think it’s okay. I’m not attached to him. *Stance you should take if you are not in a hurry to get married
I don’t mind dating a 6th person, but it’s not a must.
I think he’s a wonderful man, but I’m not attached to him at all. Something along the lines of, “If he asks me to date, I might seriously consider it.”
7th: I really want to have a physical relationship, but I don’t want to date.
I like him as a man, but I’m not attached to him at all. I don’t want to have a physical relationship with him unless he really wants to date me.
8th I would like to have a physical relationship if possible, but I don’t want to date.
I like him as a man, but I’m not thinking of dating him, and I’m not attached to him.
I would be happy if we could have a 9th body relationship, but it’s not an option.
I like him as a person, but I don’t think of him as a member of the opposite sex.
Did you get a little image? It often takes a while before he wants to have you close. It is important to stay consistent and maintain your stance!
Depending on his situation and nature, you will need to adjust the type of woman you want to become. For example, if you want to move towards marriage from [position 4 or 5], the marriage pressure strategy on page 111 is effective. If you are aiming for a lover because of a convenient relationship, the free strategy on page 115 is effective. During these two operations, you will need to stay where he wants you to be, rather than staying a little far away, and provide a sense of security and comfort for a certain period of time.